Tag Archives: suicide

Life Notes #13.

Is happiness an illusion? Or is the search for happiness a mirage that lures you until you’re too lost to even know so?

News media often carries reports of people who have failed to measure success in their acts – standards of success that the society set for us all, marks in examinations, money in jobs, marriage by a certain age, being a mother – suffer from depression and end their lives.

But once in a while you also come across relatively successful people, who have much more means, who have earned more respect than the average individual, yet they too suffer from depression. A couple of years ago, a well-known Bollywood actress Deepika Padukone, opened up about reclaiming her life from the dark clutches of depression. She shared her vulnerability with the world at large, and very bravely so. She made depression a household phrase, more rightly and less commonly used from then on.

Just in came news of an IPS officer, aged merely 30, who committed suicide, apparently due to depression. The case is still under investigation so it is possible the facts of the case might change later. But becoming an IPS officer is an achievement few have been able to boast about in the country. Out of 9 lakh aspirants each year, merely 200 are able to achieve the glory. And it requires you to slog your ass off! I know it because I’ve myself given it a shot or two. He was just 30. But being an IPS officer must have meant he was immensely respected and an immensely powerful carrier of change. Despite what I think would have been an ideal place in life, he was under depression. And depression strong enough to lead him to end his life – which means sharing his plight with others hadn’t helped, hoping that he had. It saddens me to think that someone in his stature, position and with the visibility among people he had, the visibility his work demanded, the best of therapists he could afford, he still believed the death was the solution. That deprived his soul felt!

download (10).jpg

I know there could have been circumstances at work or at home which may not have ended in a rosy life. I know there could have been sufferings in his past that had led to this step. I know there could have been therapists and medicines but they didn’t work. I know all of it. I acknowledge that I do not know the full story. But I fear the fear depression institutes in people, the helplessness it causes, the grief it brings to our beings.

And that is what leads me to think:

Is happiness an illusion? Or is the search for happiness a mirage that lures you until you’re too lost to even know so?

Graciously Yours!

The Angel in You.



Amy had seen that face before. She would recognise it anywhere. The face that had over the years faded away but resurfaced strongly when the appearance became physical. The face had changed Amy’s life. The face that had given Amy a second chance.

The lady wasn’t in her patrolling uniform. Her hair was open and flowing. She had a glittering dress on. Her smile was stunning as she looked at her beau. The eyes were still the same though. Compassionate and empathic.

As Amy sat there in the underground railway, looking at the lady, that night came flashing before her.

The stormy night, the strong currents, the alluring bridge, a broken heart, deserted roads, an emptying wallet, She had been overcome by a strong and sudden bout of depression. Nothing had seemed to be working in her favor. Her parents didn’t say it, but she could see their disappointed eyes. It was worse when they put on unmatched smiles to make her feel better. Her mind gave her so many easier ways out, as she stood under the canopy of the cafe, waiting for the torrential rain to take a break. With not much to do, she felt deserted and lonely like never before. She didn’t want to step out into the rain. But her mind made her limbs move onto the roads from the kerb. She didn’t want to get wet. But she found herself soaked to the bones within seconds. She didn’t want to cross over to the bridge. But she found herself standing at its egde. Precariously. She was afraid — of herself. She wanted someone to stop her. She also knew there was no one around, no ray of hope, no silver lining. Was this the only way? Maybe, this was what was meant to happen. She could feel water rolling down her cheeks. She wasn’t sure if it was tears or drops of the rain water. She looked into the water below. They seemed to be hungry to lap her up, thrashing themselves on the banks impatiently.

Someone jolted her out of her trance, dragging her away by the arms. She seemed like an angel to Amy! The lady only said, “Go home. However bad things might be, you do not deserve this.” Embarrassed and shocked at the recent turn of events, Amy practically remembered fleeing the scene, with that face etched in her memory forever.


Without further waste of time, Amy walked up to the lady and said to her, “You saved my life once. And I will be eternally grateful to you.” Puzzled, but understanding that she must have helped her in some way, the lady welcomed the hug Amy gave her.


Today, Amy is returning home from work to a loving husband. Her parents are proud of her. She is proud of herself.


Graciously Yours!