“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one” ~ Albert Einstein.
“Indian men cannot handle rejection. The only time when they are not rejected is when they are born.” – Daniel Fernandes.
Acid attacks, revengefully plotted murders, stalking, and also cyber stalking – all acts known to be associated with rebuttal of rejection. India doesn’t seem to have too many reported cases of stalking because we probably ignore it until it is too late. Or because mental health is still a concept we choose to ignore and not understand. Show us the physical bruises though and we’re ready to kill.
Wikipedia states, “Stalking is unwanted or obsessive attention by an individual or group toward another person. Stalking behaviors are related to harassment and intimidation and may include following the victim in person or monitoring them. The word stalking is used, with some differing meanings, in psychology and psychiatry and also in some legal jurisdictions as a term for a criminal offense.”
With the boom in social media, cyber stalking is on the rise – possibly because it is energy efficient with high rates of effectiveness and efficiency in producing results of harassment. Cyber stalking results in your moves being tracked online, your privacy invaded often to the extent that you feel threatened and unfortunately inspite of the multiple security features and privacy measures these apps boast of, the stalker mostly always finds a way out. Yes, cyber stalking does not involve physical violence but the emotional harassment and mental agony it causes to the victim is worth taking notice. Not to mention an increase in the distrust towards people in general.
How would you feel if you woke up in the morning to see countless, unending texts on your phone from a number? How would it feel to see your comments on people’s pictures being liked by your stalker? How would you feel if your public blog had traces of your stalker’s presence on every blog post – a like, a comment, a share? How would you feel to be showered with unwanted presents? I, for one, feel uncomfortable, uneasy, queasy, disgusted and sorry for the pathetic attempts of my stalker at trying to establish a relationship with me where none can exist.
For long, I kept mum. My friends told me to ignore. I decided to turn a blind eye to these antics. I thought they would fade and die out. We all did. But that simply fueled my stalker’s already raving fantasies of me. Not a day passes when I am not afraid of the grave danger which may lie ahead for me if my stalker doesn’t stop soon. My stalker’s psychology is something I have been unable to fathom. What seemed to me an innocent friendship, for him was the pinnacle of love. (And I’m not even exaggerating.) So all the while, when I was treating him like just another guy I know and talk to, he was probably in his mind leering at me, scanning every opportunity to be with me and waiting for the right moment to leech on to my back. Several attempts to ask him to back off boomeranged into him thinking I will accept him sooner or later. I now know how to block someone on all social media accounts I have! No wonder people have trust issues! Because people like my stalker really exist. To add fuel to the fire, my stalker has a blog (links of which he’s sent to me several times) which seems dedicated to his memories of me and his undying (unsolicited and unwanted) love for me along with all possible personal details about my looks, likes, dislikes, interests without any permission from me. What could be a bigger invasion of my privacy?
Lesson learnt : Every love story has two sides. Never believe it is a love story until you’ve heard both sides. There’s a thin line between love and obsession. And there’s a thinner line between obsession and stalking.
Advice to him : My soul is mine and yours is yours. If you think I reside in your soul or vice versa, think of how foolish you’re sounding. You might love me but that doesn’t make me obliged in any manner to love you back. Nor does that give you permission to mentally harass me and my loved ones. Oh and another thing – stop treating death like a joke, otherwise life’s going to make a joke out of you some day.
A not so fun fact :
In “A Study of Stalkers” Mullen et al. (2000) identified five types of stalkers:
- Rejected stalkers – pursue their victims in order to reverse, correct, or avenge a rejection (e.g. divorce, separation, termination).
- Resentful stalkers – pursue a vendetta because of a sense of grievance against the victims – motivated mainly by the desire to frighten and distress the victim.
- Intimacy seekers – seek to establish an intimate, loving relationship with their victim. Such stalkers often believe that the victim is a long-sought-after soul mate, and they were ‘meant’ to be together.
- Incompetent suitors – despite poor social or courting skills, have a fixation, or in some cases, a sense of entitlement to an intimate relationship with those who have attracted their amorous interest. Their victims are most often already in a dating relationship with someone else.
- Predatory stalkers – spy on the victim in order to prepare and plan an attack – often sexual – on the victim
P.S. : To my stalker, if you’re reading this, (and I know you are because, hello, isn’t that what you do?) you should know, I’d rather live in rejection than give up my self respect for someone.
P.P.S. : To others being stalked, whether male or female, please ensure that people around you know you are being stalked. It isn’t your fault. Speak out rather than letting the rage boil inside.
It was always dark inside their homes. The dim lights reaching the upper reaches let them know if it was time to sleep or not. All the elders worked hard for long during light, tirelessly and happily. He had lots of friends and they all lived, played and ate together. They were soon going to start work too. Today had ended and night had fallen. The elders were trooping in after a day’s work. Some worked further down and others went up to the place from where food and light came. There were others who took care of all of them. They were aplenty!
He was being trained. He had been told he would soon be sent upwards if he was strong enough. He was very excited. After dinner that night, he turned in early. Sleep made him stronger.
Much before it was time to wake up, he heard loud slurping noises and terrified shrieks from around him. Something ominous was happening. His roommates looked as terrified as he felt. He peered out from his corner of their home, hoping to see someone who could help them or tell them what was going on. He saw the villain make way.
It was a silver monster, gliding and silencing everyone in it’s path. It was coming their way. He ran towards the other end of the corner where all the others were already crouching out of fear. The monster was now at their door. Most of it pushed ahead but the rest was trickling towards them slowly. It was incessantly hot in there. It was suffocating too. He couldn’t breathe through the fumes and long before the monster could reach him, he had breathed his last. And so had everyone else. In a matter of a couple of minutes, it was all over. Their home would be put on display soon. With their bodies still buried inside.
Here’s how it happens :
Feel free to enlighten me with what you think about the process.
P.S. : Most YouTube comments on such videos seem to state fire ants as a hated species and also environmentally invasive and this process is nothing short of doing good for human life, both artistically and
25th April, 2015 : The day man-made aftershocks won over natural aftershocks.
Two back to back tremors in Calcutta around noon today brought us all out of our buildings onto the roads. For a while, we were all dazed and then after necessary precautions went back to work.
I spent the next hour calling and texting people to ensure they were safe.
Then I came home and checked the news and read all I could about possible aftermaths of the quake.
After a long day, when I finally surfed through social media, I realized I had missed out on the most important task to be done after such an incident!
I forgot to update my Facebook status about how, why, where, when I felt and survived the quake! I forgot to share my survival strategies. I forgot to tell people via my Instagram account how the Calcutta skies looked pre and post storm today.
I realized I wasn’t cool enough like this guy who updated his status as “Feeling tremors. Earthquake?”. He was asked by a friend as to why he was updating his Facebook status instead of running down towards safety. His reply? “I am too lazy to run down 10 floors.” He should thank his stars the tremors felt in Calcutta were not destructive enough. Or else his laziness would have made him pay the final price. Very, very cool. I could never be him, try as much as I may.
Oh and do you know it’s also ‘Happy Earthquake Day’? Another status informed me this. People around me are so intelligent! I wonder where they get their brains from.
These are just two gems out of the countless sparkling stones lying around!
I had so many things to do. And instead all I did was feel gut-wrenchingly sad about all those people who lost their lives, saw their lives fall apart within seconds, are still trying to locate their loved ones, have been stranded and are waiting for help, are looking for the gleam of hope through the mount of rubble, are seeing the might of the Earth first hand. Where’s the proof that I did feel this? Where’s the evidence on the internet about it? I guess this is my evidence.
I did it. I did what all of us so calmly do these days. I just reduced the loss of countless lives to a few dozens of words.
P.S. : How will our souls ever rest in peace?